Today was the first day...

That I questioned my ability and desire to be a mother... now I feel guilty thinking about my baby...

From 10am to 3pm she screamed, for reasons (I'm sure) but when she can't tell you... you end up crying on the floor asking her to please stop crying!

I would collect myself, feed, change, burp, swaddle, rock, swing... of of these each lasted for about 10-20 minutes, then the screaming started again.

Maybe it was a reflux day... I don't know.

She didn't take a nap till 3, and even that wasn't without some tears. She would wake, and scream. I would give her a binky and rock and just when shew was falling asleep, I would put her down and the procedd started all over again. Finally around 3pm she fell asleep.

It's now almost 6 and she is still sleeping, sucks.... now I should wake her up to eat.... but I'm so scared to temp the baby gods and end up back in the same situation again.

The good news is that when she FINALLY went down for a nap, so did I and got like 90 extra minutes.

Brad said that she is getting tough to get back to sleep when he wakes her in the morning for food. Says that is's taking about 90 minutes from wake to sleep again, after feeding changing and rocking. (I think it's because she needs to poop, and he said that when she does, a change, and some rocking then gets her to sleep) neverless, it's still 90 monutes that he is up with her "in the middle of the night" where HE is looseing sleep.

I don't know what the answer is here.... babies are supposed to sleep for like 10-11 at night, while waking to feed.... but she is more like 8, (-90 minutes).... she didn't go back down for the following few hours today and I think she needed it!

Yesterday she was awake most of the day, we were outside and at a party, she didn't rest much... and had a hell of a time going down for a nap around 10 pm, now that I think of it...

(We are on 2nd shift, so 10pm would be like 5pm for all the normal folks out there)

It was just a very rough day after not sleeping enough, and I felt like a bad mother and a failure... I have called in reinforcements! Uncle Dan is gatting dinner and maybe a movie for us, and Auntie Amanda is comming over tomorrow to go swimming.

Sometimes just having another person around is the difference between a good day and a bad one, just that emotional support, and person that can help with the baby if you need it.